We always think that the oldies have everything already, and don't need anything else. But they would be very hurt if left out of Christmas giving, and have often spent hours instructing their Oxford Aunts on how to wrap the grandchildren's presents:

For Grandpa: A Fortnum & Mason Imperial hamper, £5,000 (www.fortnumandmason.co.uk; 0845 300 1707)

Grandpa is very old and very rich. There isn’t anything he doesn’t own or want. Actually, as he’s got older he’s got meaner. What he wants for Christmas is something he can pick at for himself and then give the rest away to everyone else. This hamper has got enough treats for him to enjoy without his teeth in (30-year-old Brora Single Cast Malt Whisky, Foie Gras in Herend China dish, Oscietra Caviar) and plenty to dish out (Montrachet Grand Cru, Christmas Butter Biscuits and Glace Fruit Selection for his spinster sister). It all comes in a big wicker basket that’s just right for hiding the bratty grandchildren in.

For Granny: Sir Hans Sloane bespoke chocolates: £10,000 (www.sirhanssloane.com)

Granny always appreciates a few chocolate violet creams to suck on noisily through The Queen’s Speech. But Super Rich Granny needs to be distracted – she doesn’t like being reminded that there’s another woman as old and rich as her. Best give SRG a Sir Hans Sloane bespoke chocolate creation instead. Royal carpenter Linley has designed wood and inlay boxes with the technology of a humidor to house 36 delectables inside created by Bill McCarrick, a chocolatier and gold medallist at the 2007 and 2008 World Chocolate Awards.

Sir Hans Sloane should be a hero for the Super Rich – Sloane Square was named in his honour and as a great adventurer and scientist his bequeathed collection formed the foundation of the British Museum. More importantly, perhaps, while he was exploring the Caribbean in the 17th century he discovered the partnership of milk and cocoa beans, thus developing the world’s first recipe for hot chocolate.